November 18, 2015
In 1999 Kathy and I experienced a terrible financial crisis. We lost our four businesses, the home we built, and most of our worldly possessions. To make matters worse, we were left with a $1.8 million debt!
That same year a man we didn’t know gave us $30,000. We found out who the mystery man was and sent him a nice thank you card.
But then something strange happened; for the next 6 months I completely avoided him. Then one day I encountered him in a restroom, and I ran out of the building like a man on fire.
As I ran out of the building I suddenly realized that there was something seriously wrong with me. Somebody once said, “Adversity introduces a man to himself,” and I certainly just got introduced to myself.
I laid in bed awake until the wee hours of the morning. Finally, in desperation I cried out to God.
“Jesus, I think there is something wrong with me. Do you know what it is?”
“Yes,” He replied immediately.
“What is it?” I inquired.
“Do you really want to know?” He asked.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to know because denial is a beautiful thing.
Finally I said, “Yes, I do.”
Jesus replied, “The man gave you $30,000. You don’t love yourself $30,000 worth and you are afraid that if he gets to know you, he will be sorry he gave you the gift.”
I was stunned! “What should I do?” I pressed.
“Try loving yourself as much as I do, then you will never sabotage your prosperity, ” He responded.
I realized that night that my love had a lid. I had been given $1,000 many times in my life, and I never avoided the people who gave it to me. But I had literally put a value on my life.
I began to see that every time someone loved me beyond my own ability to love myself, I destroyed my relationship with them.
Now I understood why people who are dating often get to a place in their relationship where they start building cases against the one who loves them. It’s true that love covers a multitude of sins; it’s also true that fear exposes the flaws in others.
When people date and they begin to grow in intimacy (which can be defined as “in to me you see”), they often begin to fear that their lover will see in them the flaws they see in themselves.
This often results in one or both parties sabotaging their relationship by building a case against each other. Of course as the years pass this is usually articulated as “I haven’t found the right one yet.”
The truth is, as long as your love has a lid, your relationships are vulnerable to destruction.
Do yourself a massive favor and let God love the hell out of you. Then love yourself as much as He does. It will change your life forever.
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