Kris Vallotton • February 9, 2016

10 Ways to Not Hate Being Single

Originally posted on Moral Revolution


It’s not always easy being single: third wheeling it at the movies, persevering through some awkward dates, and scrambling for a good answer when well-meaning friends and family members ask if you’ve met anyone “special” yet. Although it has its fair share of uncomfortable situations and weekend nights sitting on the couch in pajamas, being single does not have to be the time in your life you barely get through.

Here are a few ways to live life fully and pursue growth in your single season:

1. GO ON ADVENTURES

Travel. Take road trips. There might be a day coming when you can’t just pick up and leave because you’ll have a family, so go places. Take your friends, take pictures, see new things, try things you’re scared of, spend time with people from other cultures, and fill your journal up with stories.

2. DON’T OVERDOSE ON ROMANCE MOVIES AND BOOKS.

There’s nothing like getting totally absorbed in someone else’s life who has a girlfriend or boyfriend, to send you into a whirlwind of sorrow and loneliness. It may not be romantic movies that send you into the whirlwind. It may be certain music, websites, or particular places or environments. Be kind to yourself and stay away from the things that make being single more difficult.

3. DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU COME ALIVE.

Write, draw, paint, exercise, cook, play field hockey, program computers- whatever it is that makes time disappear and makes you glad you were born.

Pursue other interests. You can even take risks on some of them that would be more difficult to take with a spouse and children, like starting a business.

4. GET DRESSED UP.

Ladies, put on a dress, really cute shoes, and some lipstick. Guys, this isn’t just for the ladies. Take a shower, shave the scruff, pull out your sharpest outfit. When you’re single, there are times apathy can start to sneak in because you haven’t gone on a date in sixty-five weeks and you’d rather sit on the couch watching reruns than try to go anywhere. Getting ready and putting time and effort into your appearance shows you value yourself and you will value whatever relationships you enter in the future.

5. BE NICE TO YOUR FRIENDS IN DIFFERENT SEASONS. 

Celebrate their engagements. Buy presents for their new babies. Don’t shut down your relationships with people because you’re in different seasons. Some day when you’re having your moment, you’re going to be so glad the people you care about are there celebrating you.

6. HANG OUT WITH FAMILIES.
People who are happily married have a wealth of wisdom for you to learn from. Ask questions, play with their kids, and watch how they treat each other. What do they love and what do they find challenging? They’ve been in your shoes and you will probably be in their shoes some day, so let them help set you up for success with healthy expectations for marriage and family.

7. LEARN TO GET REALLY GOOD AT HAVING FUN.

Become a master at enjoying the moment and the season you’re in. There will always be something to worry about or something more you feel like you need. Get good at enjoying your life right now, and you will be able to fully enjoy it later. This is a unique moment in time, and you’ll never be here again. Don’t miss it.

8. REALIZE THAT PROBLEMS DON’T DISAPPEAR WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED.

Married or single, you’re still going to be you. All your problems, addictions, and bad habits go with you. If you’re struggling in the area of purity or sexuality, work through it now.

The reason God gave you a sex drive before you were married is because He knew you’d have to be able to manage it when you are married.

9. HANG OUT WITH JESUS. 

This is the only time in your life Jesus can have this much of your time. One day you might be up all night with a crying baby or running around trying to get your kids to school and you’re not going to have time for a shower, let alone a nice long quiet time with your latte and your bible. Get deeply rooted in His love. Write His Word on your heart so you have it inside you during the busier times in life.

10. LET GOD TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE. 

You’re not beautiful because boys say you are, you’re beautiful because God says so. You’re not a handsome stud of a man because all the ladies love you, you’re a man because God says you are. Get your identity from Him because He knows you, created you, and His love for you is steady, unlike the wavering opinions of people. 

There are more ways than these to make the most of your singlehood . Figure out what works best for you. The important thing to remember is there is no part of your life where you simply have to survive and not thrive. God uses every part our lives to grow us and prepare us for the incredible things He has ahead. Chase after complete freedom and abundant life, not only in this season, but in every one to come.

-Andrea Alley (Moral Revolution Intern) 


GET THE “BE MINE BUNDLE”

 
Want more to help you live your healthiest, fullest life and steward your sexuality? As our Valentine’s Day gift to you, we’re offering the Be Mine Bundle:

Our latest book: The Naked Truth About Sexuality AND our latest audio message: “How Could I” Both for a sweet $16 and FREE SHIPPING. That’s right, shipping’s on us. Happy Valentine’s Day!

This special offer is only valid through February 14, 2016.

For more on this subject, check out my book Moral Revolution .

If you would like to subscribe to my newsletter, sign up here: https://krisvallotton.com/

Have you struggled with being single? Tell me about it in the comments below.


THE BLOG

Discover more blog posts

By Kathy Vallotton May 10, 2025
As Mother’s Day approached, I knew there was no one better to speak into the heart of motherhood than my wife, Kathy. Her life has been a living picture of grace, sacrifice, and Spirit-led strength. I believe her words will bless you the way her life has blessed me. Kris - Today, I want to honor the incredible women who wear the title of “Mother” with grace, strength, and unwavering love. A mother is a guiding light. She illuminates our paths with wisdom and warmth. She is the gentle hand that nurtures us in our earliest days, the fierce protector who stands by us through life’s storms, and the unwavering supporter of our dreams. Many times, Mom, our sacrifices go unnoticed. We juggle countless responsibilities, often putting our own needs aside to ensure the happiness and well-being of our family. That’s just what Moms do! My joy has always come from serving others. What some people call exhausting, I call invigorating! Even when my kids were young, I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've had, comforting one of my babies because, ‘only Mommy will do.’ Love wins every time! But love has stolen my heart over and over again. In the good times and in the bad, Jesus has always been by my side, my solid rock and my firm foundation. He has been there beside you too! That big “S” that you wear on your chest didn't happen by accident. The bible says that He will never leave me or forsake me. During all of my laughter and through my many tears, He has always guided me in every situation. So when you feel weak, remember He is right by your side. When you don't think that you can move another muscle, He is your biggest cheerleader. When you get into a spot where life feels like more than you can handle, take a look at what the Lord says about you! You are Tenacious. Your perseverance is remarkable. As a Mom, you consistently push through obstacles with unwavering commitment to your goals. You are Courageous. Mom’s often take bold steps, stand up to what they think is just, even when faced with opposition or adversity. You can do this! You are Radiant. The love of Jesus shines brightly to all those who you come in contact with, inspiring positivity and hope. You are Unstoppable. Mom, once you set your sights on a goal, you exhibit an unwavering drive to help your children pursue their dreams and desires. You are Fierce. With a spirit that is unyielding, as a Mom, you will protect your family at all costs. You are Inspiring. Moms believe in their kids. We believe that all things are possible with God and encourage our families to go where no child has ever gone before! Mom, you are the architects of our character, teaching us values of kindness, empathy, and resilience. With every hug, every word of encouragement, you instill in us the confidence to pursue our passions and overcome obstacles. Your laughter brings joy to our lives, while your tears remind us of the depth of your love. As a mom myself, I celebrate not just the role you play but the remarkable individuals you are. You are the heart of the family, the keeper of traditions, and the source of unconditional love. Each moment shared, each lesson taught, and every story told weaves an unbreakable bond that shapes who we are. To all mothers, whether near or far, biological or chosen, your impact is profound and everlasting. Today, we celebrate you, not just for the love you give, but for the incredible people you are. Happy Mother’s Day! Kathy Vallotton
By Kris Vallotton March 5, 2025
Have you ever felt called to a spiritual role but struggled to find your place in it? Perhaps you've experienced a divine moment where God revealed a prophetic gift in your life, yet you found yourself wondering why others don't seem to recognize or acknowledge it. This tension between divine calling and human recognition can be one of the most challenging aspects of walking in prophetic ministry. I've spoken with countless individuals who believe God has called them to be prophets, yet they feel frustrated when church leadership doesn't immediately recognize their office. They often share powerful testimonies of divine encounters or prophetic words that confirmed their calling. But here's the beautiful truth I've discovered: authentic spiritual authority requires both divine appointment and human recognition. Scripture shows us that even Jesus "increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" (Luke 2:52). This powerful verse reveals an important principle – spiritual authority flourishes at the intersection of Heaven's approval and earthly recognition. The Bible offers us profound wisdom about this journey of walking out our prophetic calling. Let's explore three essential principles that can help you navigate this path with grace and wisdom. 1. Understand the Process Between Anointing and Appointment King David's story provides one of the most powerful examples of the gap between divine calling and public recognition. When Samuel anointed David as king, the Spirit of the Lord came upon him powerfully – yet David didn't actually become king for fourteen years! During that time, he served faithfully, developed his character, and waited for God's timing. The journey between your prophetic calling and your public commissioning is not an accident – it's divine design. This season of preparation builds the character, wisdom, and spiritual maturity needed to carry the weight of prophetic authority. Just as David was anointed three times – once by God through Samuel and twice by the people – your prophetic gift may require multiple confirmations. Remember that if you have favor with God but not yet with leadership, pushing for recognition prematurely can lead to painful experiences. As Proverbs 18:16 reminds us, " A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men. " Allow your gift to create the space for your ministry rather than trying to force open doors that aren't ready to receive you. 2. Avoid Self-Promotion and Political Maneuvering It’s important to realize that even though your gift is what gets you into the room, your character is the thing that keeps you there. There's a stark warning in Scripture about gaining influence through manipulation rather than divine timing. Absalom, David's son, shows us the danger of winning people's hearts through flattery, false promises, and undermining leadership. He created a following by positioning himself as more accessible and understanding than the established authority. In today's social media age, the temptation toward self-promotion has never been stronger. We can easily build platforms that elevate our image above our character. But true prophetic authority doesn't come through marketing yourself as an expert – it comes through humble service, consistent character, and divine timing. James 4:6 reminds us that " God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. " When we push for recognition prematurely or through manipulation, we may gain a position but miss the protection that comes with proper promotion. Like Joseph, who shared his prophetic dreams prematurely with his brothers, our lack of wisdom can create a much more difficult path to our destiny than God intended. 3. Embrace the Preparation Process The weight of the prophetic office is both invisible and substantial. I've witnessed many genuinely called individuals crumble under the pressure of premature promotion. The apostle Paul wisely instructed that leaders " should first be tested and then let them serve " (1 Timothy 3:10), and warned against laying hands on anyone hastily (1 Timothy 5:22). True preparation for prophetic ministry involves more than just having accurate prophetic words. It requires developing spiritual maturity, biblical understanding, relational wisdom, and emotional health. If you sense a prophetic calling on your life, embrace the preparation process with patience and humility. Serve faithfully where you are. Allow trusted leaders to speak into your life and development. Study the Scriptures diligently. And remember that the process between the promise and the palace is not just necessary – it's a gift that prepares you to succeed when your time comes. My prayer for you is that you would find peace in God's timing for your prophetic journey. May you grow in both favor with God and with people, allowing the Lord to develop in you the character needed to carry His voice with integrity. Let me be clear- the path to your prophetic purpose isn't just about reaching a destination – it's about becoming the person who can faithfully steward the authority that comes with it.
By Kris Vallotton February 12, 2025
Kathy and I are celebrating our 50th anniversary this year, and we’ve been together for 54. We’ve experienced highs and lows together and built a life I never imagined possible! Over the past 50+ years, we’ve learned a few things that I want to share with you to help your marriage thrive!  Know when to sacrifice pleasure for the pursuit of joy. Kathy and I have learned when to sacrifice pleasure for the pursuit of joy; this is the discipline of laying down your life for another. A practical example of this is when people find out we have horses. They say, “Oh wow, Kris, you have horses!” My response to them goes something like this, “No, I don’t have horses. Kathy has horses. I only pay for the horses.” Their next question for me usually is, “Don’t you like horses?” To which I respond, “No, I don’t like horses, but I like Kathy.” You see, I get a lot of joy out of doing what Kathy wants to do. I am willing to sacrifice my own pleasure to pursue what develops joy in our marriage. It’s not one-sided, Kathy does the same for me. 2. Forgiveness restores the standard. If you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time, then you know the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. The person that you love and cherish at the deepest level is the same person that will stretch, challenge, and offend you. I learned this lesson years ago when my kids were teenagers. I became angry with Kathy in front of them and treated her disrespectfully. An hour later, I apologized, and she forgave me. Colossians 3:13 tells us that “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive". The truth is, forgiveness restores the standard of holiness in us and through us. 3. It’s not bad if your spouse thinks differently than you. Men and women think differently, and this is metaphorically demonstrated in the way they were created. Please understand what I am trying to communicate here. I am not at all trying to dishonor either gender. I know that women and men are equally intelligent. When Kathy and I got married, I didn’t understand marriage or women at all. I was so ignorant that it wasn’t even funny. I just had no value for Kathy’s opinion, while we were making decisions, when she refused to produce the facts for her conclusions. She often prefaced her statements with phrases like, “I feel like...,” “It troubles me that...,” “I don’t feel good about that...,” and so on. But what I learned over time, as many of my great decisions began to turn into mistakes, was that her “It feels like” or “This troubles me” were often a lot more accurate than the so-called facts! As the years have rolled on, I have learned to invite the rest of me, and my other half, my wife, into all of my decisions. And she has learned the same thing. We were made to be together. We are one flesh, a mystery that continues to unfold with time. 4. Vision gives pain a purpose. It is my conviction that we are living in a generation perishing for lack of vision. This is evident in many different areas of life, but I also see it in marriages. Having a vision for your marriage will help you persevere through the harder seasons that you’ll face together. Many years ago I had a vision where I was standing next to this elderly gentleman and could see him perfectly, but the man could not see me. The older man was surrounded by children and grandchildren telling stories about the family's history, lineage, and favor with God. In the vision he said, “And all of this began with your great-great-grandmother and great-great-grandfather.” I looked up and above the mantle of the fireplace and there was a huge portrait of Kathy and me! The Lord spoke to me and said: “You are no longer to live for a ministry—you are to live to leave a legacy! Your children’s children’s children are depending on you leaving them a world in revival. From this day forward, you will live for a generation that you will never see. You are to have a one-hundred-year vision so that you can build from the future.” This vision of our future helped us in developing a strategy to apprehend God’s goals for our lives, and it was the fuel that kept us going in the harder seasons. Consequently, from that day on, we began to build from the future, as the Lord had said. Let me be clear: you don't have to have a literal vision like I did, but you should have a vision and a direction for the future! ​​Your marriage isn’t just about you, it’s about the generations that will follow. The truth is, the way you love, lead, and fight for your marriage today is building a legacy for your children and their children. So take time with your spouse, dream with God, and dream with each other. Get a vision for your family’s future! The breakthrough you experience now will impact the generations to come.
Show More

NEWSLETTER

Get free digital content from Kris with his weekly newsletter