Kris Vallotton • September 28, 2017

We Need to Bring Affection Back in the Church

When was the last time you experienced true affection at church? For many Christians a handshake as you’re leaving Sunday service has become the norm. We don’t expect anything more from each other because we’ve been taught that we shouldn’t express too much affection at church. All of this is an effort to remain virtuous. However, I think we’ve stepped over the line and used this as an excuse, or maybe even to justify our fear, and removed almost all affection in our church communities. This is a problem. In our good attempt to keep ourselves pure we’ve actually relegated the church to an ice box that misses a big part of the heart of God.

Jesus loved affection and it’s the heart of the father to smother us with His love. The point we’re missing? Not all affection is sexual. Paul says several times to greet one another with a holy kiss (Romans 16:16, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 2 Corinthians 13:12) and Peter said to greet each other with a kiss of love (1 Peter 5:14). We all have a need for affection—it’s a community thing not a sexual thing.

Is it possible that if we can get healthy affection in church then we wouldn’t go looking for it somewhere else? Check out today’s Flashback Friday video for a story about how I realized that affection is so important in the church:

In a nutshell:

• Several years ago I was walking through the sanctuary in the school of ministry. I walked by a group of girls and I was going to tell them they were beautiful. In an instant I heard a thought that if I told them they were beautiful, someone would think that I was sexualizing them. Then I had a quick vision/memory come to mind about my own daughters…

• I have two daughters, and when they were in high school my daughter Shannon was asked out on dates but my other daughter, Jaime, never was. This was extremely painful for Jaime and there were many times that she would weep and ask me if she was ugly. Of course she wasn’t ugly! She’s beautiful, and she needed to hear from me, her father, that she was beautiful.

• What would have happened to my daughter if she didn’t have a father in those years to tell her she was beautiful?

• Every girl and boy needs affection. In teen years, specifically, they need to hear that they are valuable, important and beautiful. It grieves me to think about the ones who don’t have a daddy—the ones who step over the line of virtue to get the need for affection met from someone else because healthy people aren’t showing up to cover them.

• Often times the ones who need affection the most are the ones the church is afraid of showing affection to.

• That day I decided that I am never going to let the world tell me how to treat people when my heart is pure. I will be militant in my commitment to tell people they’re beautiful.


WE ALL NEED AFFECTION


I hope you hear my heart in this. When we have pure hearts, our affection is pure. So today I want to encourage you to evaluate your church handshake habit if you have one (or really, think about if you’re using it as a wall instead of a way of connecting.) What I’m saying is that we have the freedom to be affectionate, not only with each other but in our worship unto the Lord. God loves kisses! He loves affection! He’s the most emotional person in the Bible! So then, we have the freedom to be just like our Daddy.


YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL


Today I release a breakthrough of healing over every heart that is reading this with pain. If your father, or mother, never told you that you’re beautiful I’m here to tell you that you are stunning. There’s no flaw in you. You are absolutely perfectly lovely, just the way you are today. You don’t have to do anything to become more beautiful in my eyes or in the Lord’s eyes. I pray for grace to cover your soul that you would know just how incredibly valuable you are.

I also want to exhort the Body of Christ today to step into the affection of heaven. Let’s put down religion so that we may have open arms to embrace one another. Is it easy for you to be affectionate? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

THE BLOG

Discover more blog posts

By Kris Vallotton October 30, 2025
Redding Civic Auditorium Bethel Church has had a vision to help create one beautiful city for decades. Then, in late 2010, the Record Searchlight posted an article that the City of Redding was closing the Civic Auditorium due to the current economic crisis. The Civic cost the city 1.9 million dollars in 2010 to operate. Furthermore, the building seriously needed to be refurbished. The Bethel leadership team was deeply concerned about the economic effect the closing of the Civic would have on our already ailing city, not to mention the negative impact it would have on the social dynamic of our community. This ultimately led to a group of leaders forming a Non-religious, Public Benefit, Nonprofit Corporation called Advance Redding to operate the Civic Auditorium in October of 2011. Advance Redding entered into a contract that paid The City of Redding 360k annually in the form of a lease, for the privilege of operating the Civic Auditorium for the community. Advance Redding then entered into a contractual agreement with Bethel Church for $750K a year lease, to facilitate the Bethel School of Ministry, four days a week (Monday thru Thursday). Furthermore, Bethel Church donated nearly 2 million dollars to Advance Redding (AR) to help refurbish the Civic Auditorium. The Bethel Lease allowed AR to operate the Auditorium at break-even for 13 years. Advance Redding also was able to improve the business model, which dramatically increased the number of events facilitated by the Civic each year and greatly improved the entertainment experience. This resulted in millions more dollars of revenue flowing into our city every year! The Bethel School of Ministry no longer needed the Civic after the COVID-19 season, as the growth of the School is happening online. Therefore, BSSM moved out of the Civic in 2023, and didn’t renew its lease. This left Advance Redding with the challenge of operating the Civic without the monies that Bethel was paying in rent. The City graciously lowered the rent to 5k a month to help remedy the situation. But it hasn’t proved to be enough to solve the economic situation as the Civic is now operating at a significant loss. This inspired the Advance Redding board to request that the City release the funds set aside by the sale of land for the Sheraton and from our rents, for the maintenance of the Civic building but never utilized. This, we reasoned, would cover the losses for this year and part of the following year; which would keep the Civic open until a permanent solution could be implemented. The City Council agreed to this stop-gap solution, which we are grateful for. But moving forward, there needs to be a permanent, economic solution put in place to ensure that the Civic remains open and vibrant for the foreseeable future. The Advance Redding Board believes that the only viable option for the long-term solution for the Civic, (and for the economic health of our city), is the citizen-led Initiative for the Measure Adoption of a One Percent Sales Tax. Therefore, we have taken a leadership role in helping to pass the Initiative with our efforts. We also invested $49.5k of our Advance Redding budget to fund the effort to pass the tax, as without the Initiative, the Auditorium has no future! Closing the Civic Auditorium will have a massive negative impact on the economy of Shasta County as the events it facilitates bring millions of dollars into our community every year. It should also be noted that there are virtually no Civic Centers in the nation, that operate without government investment. The Redding Civic Auditorium has been the rare exception; and although the Civic opened 55 years ago, even it has only operated at no cost to the City for 14 years due to the generosity of Bethel Church. Sales Tax Solution The Sales Tax rate in Shasta County is 7.25% and yet the average sales tax in California is 8.85%. Nobody likes higher taxes, but we live in a state that has an extremely high cost of living. Much of this is because of the rising cost of insurance due to the increased amount of wild fires in our state, and the need to facilitate Fire Departments and fire mitigation to prevent another catastrophe in our communities. Furthermore, the rise of fentanyl in our county and increased drug addiction have also increased the need for police protection and crime prevention. This and many other factors have caused the cost of living in a beautiful city like Redding to drastically increase. Although the cost of operating a city has increased exponentially over the last three decades, Redding has not raised the sales tax since 1955. Yet over 61% of California Counties have already increased their sales tax to meet these rising costs. The other counties will likely follow as their communities face the challenge of trying to maintain the quality of life they’ve enjoyed, while having to meet the rising cost of the services that make this possible. The sales tax increase is the least intrusive way to continue to maintain and even improve the quality of life in our community. It raises millions of dollars to meet these costs. Here are some of the benefits Measure A would provide for the City of Redding to sustain the progress we have made over the last several years, specifically: Redding Police: Add 20 more officers (17% increase), which could result in a significant reduction in crime and in response time. Redding Fire: Add new fire station in the Enterprise area, reducing response time in that area from 8.5 minutes to 5 minutes and response times citywide by 1.5 minutes. Updated fire stations across the city. 9 new firefighters and a new battalion chief. Also, $750k more per year in wildfire prevention fuel thinning work. Redding Roads: The ability to take our roads from a quality score of 48 out of 100 to as high as 80. Redding Parks & Recreation: Make major upgrades to South City Park (near the library) and Caldwell Park and the new Panorama Park, which will include a gym and emergency evacuation shelter. Updated Big League Dreams and funding to update the California Soccer Park when fields need to be replaced in 6-7 years. This is a path to sustaining these iconic Redding youth development facilities so that our kids can enjoy healthy development activities rather than get in trouble. Upgraded Riverfront: Create sustainability of the Civic, a driver of $84M in economic impact for our city and upgrades to bring in more and better shows and create better experiences. Sustainability of this Hall of Fame Rodeo with increased events around the year and increased capacity during Rodeo Week. Let’s join hands to make Redding, California one of the most beautiful cities in America to visit, and the healthiest city in the nation to live in!
By Kris Vallotton October 22, 2025
When life hurts, God is closer than you think. Learn how suffering shapes your soul and reveals His presence in your pain.
By Kathy Vallotton May 10, 2025
As Mother’s Day approached, I knew there was no one better to speak into the heart of motherhood than my wife, Kathy. Her life has been a living picture of grace, sacrifice, and Spirit-led strength. I believe her words will bless you the way her life has blessed me. Kris - Today, I want to honor the incredible women who wear the title of “Mother” with grace, strength, and unwavering love. A mother is a guiding light. She illuminates our paths with wisdom and warmth. She is the gentle hand that nurtures us in our earliest days, the fierce protector who stands by us through life’s storms, and the unwavering supporter of our dreams. Many times, Mom, our sacrifices go unnoticed. We juggle countless responsibilities, often putting our own needs aside to ensure the happiness and well-being of our family. That’s just what Moms do! My joy has always come from serving others. What some people call exhausting, I call invigorating! Even when my kids were young, I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've had, comforting one of my babies because, ‘only Mommy will do.’ Love wins every time! But love has stolen my heart over and over again. In the good times and in the bad, Jesus has always been by my side, my solid rock and my firm foundation. He has been there beside you too! That big “S” that you wear on your chest didn't happen by accident. The bible says that He will never leave me or forsake me. During all of my laughter and through my many tears, He has always guided me in every situation. So when you feel weak, remember He is right by your side. When you don't think that you can move another muscle, He is your biggest cheerleader. When you get into a spot where life feels like more than you can handle, take a look at what the Lord says about you! You are Tenacious. Your perseverance is remarkable. As a Mom, you consistently push through obstacles with unwavering commitment to your goals. You are Courageous. Mom’s often take bold steps, stand up to what they think is just, even when faced with opposition or adversity. You can do this! You are Radiant. The love of Jesus shines brightly to all those who you come in contact with, inspiring positivity and hope. You are Unstoppable. Mom, once you set your sights on a goal, you exhibit an unwavering drive to help your children pursue their dreams and desires. You are Fierce. With a spirit that is unyielding, as a Mom, you will protect your family at all costs. You are Inspiring. Moms believe in their kids. We believe that all things are possible with God and encourage our families to go where no child has ever gone before! Mom, you are the architects of our character, teaching us values of kindness, empathy, and resilience. With every hug, every word of encouragement, you instill in us the confidence to pursue our passions and overcome obstacles. Your laughter brings joy to our lives, while your tears remind us of the depth of your love. As a mom myself, I celebrate not just the role you play but the remarkable individuals you are. You are the heart of the family, the keeper of traditions, and the source of unconditional love. Each moment shared, each lesson taught, and every story told weaves an unbreakable bond that shapes who we are. To all mothers, whether near or far, biological or chosen, your impact is profound and everlasting. Today, we celebrate you, not just for the love you give, but for the incredible people you are. Happy Mother’s Day! Kathy Vallotton
Show More

NEWSLETTER

Get free digital content from Kris with his weekly newsletter