11 Things I've Learned About Women - Kris Vallotton

September 25, 2015

Here are 11 things I have learned about women from  40 years of marriage: (Posted in fun!)

1. When a woman asks how something looks on her, there is only one right answer! There are times to be honest, and there are other times to think prophetically…calling things that are not as though they are. 

2. When a woman tells you about a problem she is having, she is not asking you for a solution, she is looking for empathy. Proposing ways to solve her problem actually creates a bigger problem.

3. Women have a much larger vocabulary than men and they enjoy using it when they are telling you about their day. The punchline is the reward for listening well, so it is always at the end of the story. Therefore it’s normal to wonder where the story going because their conversations are often more of a journey than a destination.

4. Women don’t think of grunting as words; therefore men, you won’t get credit for talking if you are grunting responses to her questions. She requires sounds that can be found in a dictionary as opposed to those heard in the jungle.

5. Women are designed to process large amounts of data. They really like full sentences like you would find in a romance novel. They can’t process short sentences like “good” or “fine” very well.  For a woman, it’s like trying to cut a tiny piece of wood with a chainsaw.

6. Women have noses like dogs. They can smell things long before they become apparent to a man. So you showering a couple times a month is important to her. She also doesn’t process burping or farting as “wow, that was great chili.” Avoid it as much as possible. If it happens, don’t call attention to it, especially in front of the children.

7. Women can multitask, but they know you can’t. So watching the football game while you “talk” to her won’t count as communication. Yes men, it is quite normal for a woman to require you to make eye contact with her when you are talking. So something as small as texting, or checking the baseball score when she is talking to you may bother her at times.

8. The phrase “you are overreacting” doesn’t mean the same thing to a women as it does to a man. Another phrase that is processed through a different filter is “you are being emotional.” Avoid using sentences like these when interacting with a woman.

9. Comparing your wife to your mother is always a bad idea. I have experimented with this on several different subjects. It’s even bad when you are using the comparison as a compliment. For example, “This spaghetti is nearly as good as my mothers,” is not recommended. For some reason it doesn’t feel like a compliment to them.

10. In the abundance of counselors there is victory, yet sharing the advice your mother has for your wife is rarely a wise thing to do.

11. Most women prefer movies with plots. To a woman, blowing up the enemy is not considered a real plot. Shedding a tear when watching a movie with her will help bond you at the deepest level.

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