Kris Vallotton • November 29, 2018

6 Ways to Catch the Man of God You’ve Been Waiting For

THE PROBLEM SINGLE WOMEN FACE


Our society seems to dictate that men pursue women and not the other way around. This can create a pretty powerless culture for the girls who want to date and eventually be married but aren’t being pursued.


Furthermore, if a girl wants to be a virtuous woman, then she must refuse to use sensuality to seduce a man. This theoretically reduces her chances of “catching her guy” since the world offers a sea of sensual fish, so to speak, for honorable women to compete with. Yet, the truth is if a girl fishes with shark bait, then she will most likely catch a shark.


I’ve heard countless women tell me how painful of a process it is to work on yourself, be ready to date, and still sit around waiting for your faith-filled Prince Charming to come along. It can result in months, or even years of heartache. Our cultural shift to prolong marriage is not just a problem for women, so I’ll address the men in a future post. However, today I’m addressing the ladies as most of the comments on my last post about this came from women who have been longing for a man to pursue them.


So what’s a virtuous girl to do?


THE SOLUTION


Here are some practical steps you can take towards finding the man you’ve been waiting for:


1. Realize that most men don’t understand women, and you always fear what you don’t understand! So, if you hang out with guys in a low-stakes environment, it allows them to gain a greater understanding of you, which will reduce their fear. Try hanging out in a group before you date. Guys gain courage as they gain understanding.


2. Take initiative in breaking the ice. Most girls like the “chase” because they are born to be pursued. I’m not saying you have to chase guys down, but you can also be powerful in pursuit while preserving your femininity. Be subtle, but let him know you are interested in getting to know him. A note works great. Or, if you like someone, ask a friend who knows him to introduce you.


3. Don’t play your “hard to get” card; play your “I am worth sacrificing for” card! What’s the difference? “Hard to get” is a game you play for your own entertainment and needs, while “I am worth sacrificing for” creates standards that are attractive and cause men to rise to the occasion.


Another note on playing “hard to get”: If you’re not interested in the dude, do NOT lead him on. Other guys are watching, and a trail of male tears builds a rough road to your front door.


4. Be beautiful, but not sexy. Contrary to popular opinion, dressing sexy says, “I’ve got nothing else going on.” Men will find you attractive when you take time to care for yourself, including your body, soul and spirit. I want you to hear me here that I’m not saying you have to starve yourself to try and look like a supermodel. Not at all! But taking the time to dress in clothes that make you FEEL beautiful and expressing your creativity in the way you do your makeup goes a long way.


Men love a woman who encompasses beauty in EVERY aspect of life: in the way she treats people with kindness, the way she carries herself with grace and in the beauty of her spirit.


5. Don’t put yourself in the “sister” box. If you do your “sister act” with him, he won’t think of you as a lover. Many guys have close friends who are great girls, but asking them out feels like they are dating their sister.


6. Let people who love you know that you’re looking for a mate so they keep their eyes open. It’s important to share this piece of your life with people that you trust so that they can not only support you but also be on the lookout for a man that might be a good match for you! People who love and know you will be some of your biggest advocates when it comes to healthy relationships. You will need wise counsel when you enter dating, and eventually marriage. So why not begin this process from the start?



LET’S TALK ABOUT ONLINE DATING: IS IT “OKAY”?


Many women ask me if it’s okay to find a man on a dating website, and my personal conviction is that it’s absolutely acceptable! Online dating can be a great way to meet a potential mate because you’ve already predetermined that the men you’ll be talking to are looking for a relationship.


Think about it this way: the dudes who go to your home group are not necessarily looking for a girlfriend, but dating sites already filter those men out for you… In other words, you won’t be wasting your time on someone who is simply not interested in a relationship. It may take a few attempts to actually find a potential match, but at least you’ll be pulling from a group of men who are ready to engage on this level.


Like anything in life, it’s important to approach online dating with wisdom. If you choose this option, it’s vital that you sign up for a reputable website that is attracting Christian men.


Secondly, be honest about yourself on your dating profile and avoid over-promising and under-performing, so to speak. Creating a persona that isn’t an accurate representation of who you are will set you up to perform in your interactions, and won’t build trust with your partner from the beginning. By being open about who you truly are on your dating profile, you will invite a man to get to know your confident, cool and comfortable self.


This goes without saying but when you meet a man in person for the first time, be sure to do that in a safe and public environment.


YOU ARE NOT “TOO OLD” FOR MARRIAGE!


Yo, Ladies! It’s important for you to not give up hope! Some of you might feel like you’re getting old fast, and that no one is going to want to date you. I’m here to tell you that you are not way past the marrying age! I want to propose that you’re actually in the trend, not behind it, because people (in general) are delaying marriage.


We live in a culture that prolongs covenant commitment, so it’s not uncommon for women to get married in their 30s, 40s, and 50s! You’re not the exception anymore! Your delay in marriage does not mean something is wrong with you—it’s simply the course that our culture has taken.


Ladies, you were born to be adored, pursued, and loved! It’s how you were created…your divine design…your holy partnership with God. I want to encourage you today to not give up on finding the man of your dreams! Persevere through the sea of unknowns, pray for strength to jump over hurdles of disappointment, and be patient as you wait in confidence in the Faithful One who placed the desire for marriage in your heart for a purpose.


I personally know several women who met their husbands through the strangest of circumstances. It can happen anytime or anywhere. God specializes in the impossible! It’s time for you to dream again!


If you needed to hear this today, then know that I am praying for you. I encourage you to get some people in your inner circle to process with, pray for, and encourage you today. When you’re struggling with singleness, ask God to give you the patience to wait well. And remember that your prayers are powerful. God can and will work on your behalf to bring you your mate—and that is worth waiting, praying and believing for!


Where are you on your journey towards marriage? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.


THE BLOG

Discover more blog posts

By Kris Vallotton December 31, 2025
As we approach a new year, many of us feel the stirring of purpose in our hearts, a calling to step into something bigger, bolder, and more impactful than ever before. But here’s a truth we often forget: often the closer you get to your God-given purpose, the louder the opposition becomes. Look at the story of Nehemiah. After years of broken walls and failed attempts, he finally received the favor, resources, and commission to rebuild Jerusalem’s walls. But the moment he stepped into action, the opposition intensified. Critics mocked, threats were made, and fear tried to paralyze him. In the face of opposition Nehemiah pressed on, and in just 52 days, what hadn’t been accomplished in decades was completed. I’d like to point out that opposition is not a sign that you’re on the wrong path. Often, it’s proof that you’re moving in the right direction. As you move into the new year, here are three practical ways that you can respond when the opposition grows louder: 1. Anchor Yourself in Your Identity Opposition often begins by attacking who you are. The serpent challenged Adam and Eve's identity, and Satan even said to Jesus, “If you are the Son of God…” Just as Nehemiah’s critics called him “feeble,” you may face lies that question your abilities, motives, or worth. Practical Step : Write down truths about who you are in Christ, your gifts, victories, and the promises God has spoken over your life. Keep them visible. When fear and doubt arise, remind yourself: you are a child of the King, chosen and equipped for this moment. 2. Stay Focused on the Work It’s easy to get distracted by critics, setbacks, or what others think. Nehemiah refused to “go down into the valley” of distraction or fear. He stayed focused on the wall he was building, not the voices trying to stop him. Paul felt this same pressure when he wrote, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me…” (Philippians 3:14) Practical Step: Create a “daily focus ritual.” Each morning, list the one thing you need to do that day that moves you closer to your purpose. Protect that time fiercely, and let criticism and noise slide off like water from a shield. 3. Recognize Opposition as Confirmation Opposition often signals that you’re stepping into something significant. Elijah faced Jezebel’s threats after his greatest victory, proof that he had truly impacted the kingdom. The louder the opposition, the more important your mission. Practical Step: When opposition rises, pause and ask: What is God confirming through this resistance? What part of my purpose is this proving? Let the resistance strengthen your resolve rather than weaken your faith. The new year is an invitation to step boldly into your calling. There will be voices trying to shake your confidence, doubts that try to paralyze your progress, and fears that want to hold you back. But remember: the louder the opposition, sometimes the closer you are to something God designed uniquely for you. Step forward with courage, focus, and clarity. Rebuild the walls that need rebuilding, stand firm in your identity, and embrace the opposition as a signal that you are on the right path. This year, don’t be surprised when the voices get louder, be encouraged. They are proof that your purpose is real, your mission is significant, and your victory is coming.
By Kris Vallotton October 30, 2025
Redding Civic Auditorium Bethel Church has had a vision to help create one beautiful city for decades. Then, in late 2010, the Record Searchlight posted an article that the City of Redding was closing the Civic Auditorium due to the current economic crisis. The Civic cost the city 1.9 million dollars in 2010 to operate. Furthermore, the building seriously needed to be refurbished. The Bethel leadership team was deeply concerned about the economic effect the closing of the Civic would have on our already ailing city, not to mention the negative impact it would have on the social dynamic of our community. This ultimately led to a group of leaders forming a Non-religious, Public Benefit, Nonprofit Corporation called Advance Redding to operate the Civic Auditorium in October of 2011. Advance Redding entered into a contract that paid The City of Redding 360k annually in the form of a lease, for the privilege of operating the Civic Auditorium for the community. Advance Redding then entered into a contractual agreement with Bethel Church for $750K a year lease, to facilitate the Bethel School of Ministry, four days a week (Monday thru Thursday). Furthermore, Bethel Church donated nearly 2 million dollars to Advance Redding (AR) to help refurbish the Civic Auditorium. The Bethel Lease allowed AR to operate the Auditorium at break-even for 13 years. Advance Redding also was able to improve the business model, which dramatically increased the number of events facilitated by the Civic each year and greatly improved the entertainment experience. This resulted in millions more dollars of revenue flowing into our city every year! The Bethel School of Ministry no longer needed the Civic after the COVID-19 season, as the growth of the School is happening online. Therefore, BSSM moved out of the Civic in 2023, and didn’t renew its lease. This left Advance Redding with the challenge of operating the Civic without the monies that Bethel was paying in rent. The City graciously lowered the rent to 5k a month to help remedy the situation. But it hasn’t proved to be enough to solve the economic situation as the Civic is now operating at a significant loss. This inspired the Advance Redding board to request that the City release the funds set aside by the sale of land for the Sheraton and from our rents, for the maintenance of the Civic building but never utilized. This, we reasoned, would cover the losses for this year and part of the following year; which would keep the Civic open until a permanent solution could be implemented. The City Council agreed to this stop-gap solution, which we are grateful for. But moving forward, there needs to be a permanent, economic solution put in place to ensure that the Civic remains open and vibrant for the foreseeable future. The Advance Redding Board believes that the only viable option for the long-term solution for the Civic, (and for the economic health of our city), is the citizen-led Initiative for the Measure Adoption of a One Percent Sales Tax. Therefore, we have taken a leadership role in helping to pass the Initiative with our efforts. We also invested $49.5k of our Advance Redding budget to fund the effort to pass the tax, as without the Initiative, the Auditorium has no future! Closing the Civic Auditorium will have a massive negative impact on the economy of Shasta County as the events it facilitates bring millions of dollars into our community every year. It should also be noted that there are virtually no Civic Centers in the nation, that operate without government investment. The Redding Civic Auditorium has been the rare exception; and although the Civic opened 55 years ago, even it has only operated at no cost to the City for 14 years due to the generosity of Bethel Church. Sales Tax Solution The Sales Tax rate in Shasta County is 7.25% and yet the average sales tax in California is 8.85%. Nobody likes higher taxes, but we live in a state that has an extremely high cost of living. Much of this is because of the rising cost of insurance due to the increased amount of wild fires in our state, and the need to facilitate Fire Departments and fire mitigation to prevent another catastrophe in our communities. Furthermore, the rise of fentanyl in our county and increased drug addiction have also increased the need for police protection and crime prevention. This and many other factors have caused the cost of living in a beautiful city like Redding to drastically increase. Although the cost of operating a city has increased exponentially over the last three decades, Redding has not raised the sales tax since 1955. Yet over 61% of California Counties have already increased their sales tax to meet these rising costs. The other counties will likely follow as their communities face the challenge of trying to maintain the quality of life they’ve enjoyed, while having to meet the rising cost of the services that make this possible. The sales tax increase is the least intrusive way to continue to maintain and even improve the quality of life in our community. It raises millions of dollars to meet these costs. Here are some of the benefits Measure A would provide for the City of Redding to sustain the progress we have made over the last several years, specifically: Redding Police: Add 20 more officers (17% increase), which could result in a significant reduction in crime and in response time. Redding Fire: Add new fire station in the Enterprise area, reducing response time in that area from 8.5 minutes to 5 minutes and response times citywide by 1.5 minutes. Updated fire stations across the city. 9 new firefighters and a new battalion chief. Also, $750k more per year in wildfire prevention fuel thinning work. Redding Roads: The ability to take our roads from a quality score of 48 out of 100 to as high as 80. Redding Parks & Recreation: Make major upgrades to South City Park (near the library) and Caldwell Park and the new Panorama Park, which will include a gym and emergency evacuation shelter. Updated Big League Dreams and funding to update the California Soccer Park when fields need to be replaced in 6-7 years. This is a path to sustaining these iconic Redding youth development facilities so that our kids can enjoy healthy development activities rather than get in trouble. Upgraded Riverfront: Create sustainability of the Civic, a driver of $84M in economic impact for our city and upgrades to bring in more and better shows and create better experiences. Sustainability of this Hall of Fame Rodeo with increased events around the year and increased capacity during Rodeo Week. Let’s join hands to make Redding, California one of the most beautiful cities in America to visit, and the healthiest city in the nation to live in!
By Kris Vallotton October 22, 2025
When life hurts, God is closer than you think. Learn how suffering shapes your soul and reveals His presence in your pain.
Show More

NEWSLETTER

Get free digital content from Kris with his weekly newsletter