Kris Vallotton • September 10, 2021

Why Every Leader Needs Self-reflection

THE UNLIKELY LEADER

Sometimes you meet a natural born leader — one that leads the pack, takes the reins, and makes everyone feel secure and safe. Then sometimes we see the unlikely hero rise to the scene, the one that is quiet, sits in the back, and comes from a broken home. Maybe you have questioned your own ability to lead or wondered if you have what it takes. I would propose everyone is a leader; whether you are leading yourself, another person, a family, or a country.  

The Bible is filled with unlikely leaders; consider the life of Moses, a fugitive at birth who became the greatest lawgiver in history. Or the life of David, once an insignificant shepherd boy wandering in the field who became one of history’s most famous kings. The list is endless of people stepping into a throne that are not “fit for the crown.” There is a leader deep within you with a distinct blueprint needed for the world around you to succeed and it may not look like “sitting on a throne in a fancy red robe” but, the truth is you are already sitting in heavenly places, with access to the greatest Leader of them all. 

I did not always “feel” like a leader and the path I was on did not look like it would ever lead to one of significance and esteem. The home I grew up in was unstable, the foundation was broken by the loss of my father, and the beams were shattered by the abuse of my stepfathers. If the picture is not already clear, my life was not one that should have naturally led to owning multiple businesses, or leading a global movement. Rather, I was a poor young man looking for purpose and someone to show me the way. But, even in the midst of my mess I look back on the course of my life and I see the hand of God molding and shaping the leader in me.

TRANSFORMING THE WORLD WITHIN YOU

I want to pull back the curtain and share a few insights on my journey in leadership; not just 5 tips to great leadership, but real life moments, accomplishments, and encounters that I hope inspire the leader in you and show you that you can do it too. The life you are living is filled with significance and purpose, and will have generational impact. 


(In this week’s video blog I answer questions and share more insight into my journey in leadership. )


As I already mentioned, my childhood was extremely traumatic. This was my reality until everything in my life drastically changed. At the age of 18 I was living a life that was built around promoting myself, in pain from my past, and serving my own flesh. But, then suddenly I met the Lord and no longer was I living a life that would lead to death, instead I was learning to lead a life that reflected and responded to the glory of God. One of my greatest keys to leadership has been this very moment in my life. Serving the Lord of Lords will teach you how to serve and love His children. Leadership is so much more than a title; in the Kingdom, leadership equals servanthood. You must learn to serve well if you want to be a great leader. What does it look like to be a servant leader? It looks like Jesus; stopping for the one, loving your enemies, and being deeply connected to the heart of God. 


The truth is, the world is filled with leaders that are eager to lead a movement of people and obtain a status, but do not know how to lead themselves. I would argue to this day one of my greatest leadership responsibilities is leading my life and my family before I lead anyone else. No, this may not lead to a recognized title in the world’s eyes, but neither did the life of Jesus. They could not believe the illegitimate son that associated with the unclean could be the Savior. What I am getting at is often leadership looks far different from what the world has made it out to be. It is important that we do not miss our first line of responsibility; our family. If you do not lead and steward your own life and family how are you to be entrusted with much? It is vital that we become aware of how we are stewarding and leading our own life, heart, and the family that God has given us. 


Now, let me be clear – I did not just give my life to God and immediately become a servant leader and know how to lead my family let alone a global movement; there were still pieces of my own selfish desires, impatience, and arrogance that got in the way. But, I was surrounded by people and mentors that loved me when I was still in my mess. They mined for the gold in me and pulled it to the surface; they did not settle for the dirt and grime they fought to see it washed away. These are the kinds of people everyone needs in their life — the ones that do not settle for anything less than the best they see in us; the iron that sharpens iron. To this day, I surround myself with friends that have different strengths than me and are not afraid to call out the imperfect places in me. These are the kinds of friendships that will produce the leader that lives inside of each one of us. 



A DEGREE IN LEADERSHIP 


Beyond any position or title in a leadership book, self-help manual, or degree in leadership, if you do not have connection with God you have nothing. If we are going to have anything to offer as a leader; connection with the Heavenly Father matters. Now let me be clear, connection with God is more than mystical moments and angelic visitations; it is the million small moments throughout our life. You may not have a mountain top experience everyday, but if you don’t purpose to spend time with God you definitely won’t. I encourage you to open your Bible in the morning or at night and read a chapter or two. This has been a life line in my life and I believe it is the steam to the engine of leadership. The Word of God is alive — no matter how many times you have read the chapter or heard the scripture there is always more to receive. When you are on the rocky boat of leadership and you don’t know which way is north, connection with God will be your saving source. The reality of being a perfect leader is a hard scale to try to measure up to. You may not always know the right answer or be the head leader in the room, but when God is your lifeline you will have an endless source of heavenly insight and wisdom. The truth is, God strategically places His people and He equips the called, but I encourage you to lean back into His wisdom and strength and do not try to do it all on your own. 


I want to encourage you today, if the waves of life or leadership have knocked you down there is still hope for today. The Lord is filled with endless solutions and possibilities. I pray that the despair of failure is filled with fresh hope from God and that perseverance becomes your strength. Not every attempt we make will succeed, but failure is our friend in disguise if we allow it to fuel our perseverance and faith to see the Lord move in our lives.

THE BLOG

Discover more blog posts

4 Lessons After 50 Years of Marriage

By Kris Vallotton • February 12, 2025
Kathy and I are celebrating our 50th anniversary this year, and we’ve been together for 54. We’ve experienced highs and lows together and built a life I never imagined possible! Over the past 50+ years, we’ve learned a few things that I want to share with you to help your marriage thrive!  Know when to sacrifice pleasure for the pursuit of joy. Kathy and I have learned when to sacrifice pleasure for the pursuit of joy; this is the discipline of laying down your life for another. A practical example of this is when people find out we have horses. They say, “Oh wow, Kris, you have horses!” My response to them goes something like this, “No, I don’t have horses. Kathy has horses. I only pay for the horses.” Their next question for me usually is, “Don’t you like horses?” To which I respond, “No, I don’t like horses, but I like Kathy.” You see, I get a lot of joy out of doing what Kathy wants to do. I am willing to sacrifice my own pleasure to pursue what develops joy in our marriage. It’s not one-sided, Kathy does the same for me. 2. Forgiveness restores the standard. If you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time, then you know the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. The person that you love and cherish at the deepest level is the same person that will stretch, challenge, and offend you. I learned this lesson years ago when my kids were teenagers. I became angry with Kathy in front of them and treated her disrespectfully. An hour later, I apologized, and she forgave me. Colossians 3:13 tells us that “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive". The truth is, forgiveness restores the standard of holiness in us and through us. 3. It’s not bad if your spouse thinks differently than you. Men and women think differently, and this is metaphorically demonstrated in the way they were created. Please understand what I am trying to communicate here. I am not at all trying to dishonor either gender. I know that women and men are equally intelligent. When Kathy and I got married, I didn’t understand marriage or women at all. I was so ignorant that it wasn’t even funny. I just had no value for Kathy’s opinion, while we were making decisions, when she refused to produce the facts for her conclusions. She often prefaced her statements with phrases like, “I feel like...,” “It troubles me that...,” “I don’t feel good about that...,” and so on. But what I learned over time, as many of my great decisions began to turn into mistakes, was that her “It feels like” or “This troubles me” were often a lot more accurate than the so-called facts! As the years have rolled on, I have learned to invite the rest of me, and my other half, my wife, into all of my decisions. And she has learned the same thing. We were made to be together. We are one flesh, a mystery that continues to unfold with time. 4. Vision gives pain a purpose. It is my conviction that we are living in a generation perishing for lack of vision. This is evident in many different areas of life, but I also see it in marriages. Having a vision for your marriage will help you persevere through the harder seasons that you’ll face together. Many years ago I had a vision where I was standing next to this elderly gentleman and could see him perfectly, but the man could not see me. The older man was surrounded by children and grandchildren telling stories about the family's history, lineage, and favor with God. In the vision he said, “And all of this began with your great-great-grandmother and great-great-grandfather.” I looked up and above the mantle of the fireplace and there was a huge portrait of Kathy and me! The Lord spoke to me and said: “You are no longer to live for a ministry—you are to live to leave a legacy! Your children’s children’s children are depending on you leaving them a world in revival. From this day forward, you will live for a generation that you will never see. You are to have a one-hundred-year vision so that you can build from the future.” This vision of our future helped us in developing a strategy to apprehend God’s goals for our lives, and it was the fuel that kept us going in the harder seasons. Consequently, from that day on, we began to build from the future, as the Lord had said. Let me be clear: you don't have to have a literal vision like I did, but you should have a vision and a direction for the future! ​​Your marriage isn’t just about you, it’s about the generations that will follow. The truth is, the way you love, lead, and fight for your marriage today is building a legacy for your children and their children. So take time with your spouse, dream with God, and dream with each other. Get a vision for your family’s future! The breakthrough you experience now will impact the generations to come.

4 Spiritual Disciplines to Propel Your Growth in the New Year

By Kris Vallotton • January 1, 2025
As we step into 2025, people are often thinking about engaging in the time-honored yet unspoken custom of setting New Year’s Resolutions. Many people jump on the opportunity to develop new healthier habits and pursue positive change with the start of a brand new year. Most New Year's Resolutions revolve around diet and exercise, finances, relationships, and hobbies or personal interests. New Year's Resolutions help by giving people a vision for when they endure the challenges that come with change. Losing 100 pounds or being more diligent with saving money isn't always easy and vision gives pain a purpose! All of these areas are important to focus on, but oftentimes we neglect spiritual topics when forming our resolutions. As we focus on building our physical lives and pursuing health and wholeness with the New Year, it’s crucial not to overlook our spiritual growth and well-being. I’m going to share four spiritual disciplines you can grow in this New Year, along with practical tips to help you follow through. Some of these may appear simple, but when practiced consistently over a long period of time, they can lead to deep transformation! 1. Bible Reading This should come as no surprise, but it can be very difficult to find time on a busy day to sit down and read the Scriptures. Some people have a hard time sitting and being still to read while others are bombarded by the busyness of their lives. I want to encourage you to prioritize your time in the Word this year - I make sure to read at least one chapter each day. It might mean having to sacrifice something. Perhaps it’s waking up earlier to have an extra 30 minutes in your routine. Try leaving your Bible open on your kitchen counter the night before, so you see it in the morning. Maybe you can bring your Bible during your lunch break and have a meal with Jesus. You can even listen to the Bible on audio for your morning commute! My encouragement is to start small and build the habit. 2. Prayer Personal prayer can look different to everyone. Some people have no problem praying for over an hour a day, other people have a hard time finding a moment in an entire week! The goal here is to make sure that we are staying in communion with God. There may be sometimes where you only have two minutes to pray in-between meetings or running errands. There may be other times where you have to go into your room, lock your door and pray in secret for an extended period of time like the Bible says. Let me be clear: the goal is consistent communion with the Father. Try setting reminders or alarms on your phone to go off at certain parts of the day. It doesn't have to be long. These reminders can be specific like, “Pray for my family member” or “Pray for healing for this coworker.” You can write them down on pieces of paper and stick them to the walls in your house. 3. Community This may not feel like a discipline, but one of the most challenging things that a person's spiritual growth could face is solitude. When God created Adam he said that it was not good for man to be alone. We were created for community and Jesus was often found doing ministry and life around a group of people except for the times where he went alone to pray. Stepping out into community can be challenging. Maybe you struggle with fear of rejection, not fitting in, or you're scared of how people will respond when they really begin to know you. If you find yourself being isolated, reach out to some people. Text a friend that you know and trust and share that you want to spend more time around people. If you're part of a local church see what kind of small groups they have to offer. Community is a key for growth in 2025. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” 4. Serving When Jesus was on earth he said in Matthew 20:28 that, “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Serving was at the center of Jesus’ ministry. He met the physical needs of people by providing food miraculously as well as the spiritual needs of people by offering salvation to everyone who would believe. When we serve people we are like Christ. There may be people coming to your mind already who have a need. They could be in your church family, or a friend from school or work. It doesn’t have to be someone you know! Try paying for someone’s coffee in line and leaving them with some encouragement. There are so many ways that we can serve people and make them feel seen and loved. When they feel seen and loved, they are often very receptive to the Gospel. The power in these disciplines isn’t just doing them once, but in repeating them over a long period of time. As Zechariah 4:10 reminds us, we should not despise small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin. My prayer for you is that what would start as spiritual disciplines would grow into spiritual devotion. That you would find joy in these things and that they would draw you closer to the Father!

3 Ways to Think Differently About Gratitude

By Kris Vallotton • November 27, 2024
During Christmas of 2012 Kathy and I learned a very valuable lesson about gratitude and entitlement… In years past leading up to Christmas we had always gotten a “Christmas want list” from each of our grandkids. Kathy would go through all the lists and pick out only a few items to buy for each of our grandkids. But that year Kathy decided to get them everything on their list! As we bought gifts our Christmas tree soon began to disappear behind a wall of wrapped presents. Christmas morning came and we gathered as a family as I shared the story of baby Jesus. I finished the story of our savior's birth and started handing out the presents. Over the course of 2 hours lights and ornaments began to emerge as our tree slowly became visible again. Suddenly I heard a whimpering cry to my left. I looked over to see my daughter giving a strong correction to one of her children. I went over to investigate and learned that the child was upset because, “Grandma missed one gift.” Kathy has overseen the administration for our businesses for our entire marriage. She’s looked over hundreds of spreadsheets, time cards, and other documents. I had a hard time believing that she would miss a gift on a Christmas list. Kathy went to our office and came back a moment later with a somber look on her face. “I did forget one gift,” she said with compassion. “I’m so sorry,” she explained while choking back tears. Trying to smooth the situation over, she added, “I’ll go tomorrow and buy the gift I missed.” In our quest to bless our family, we had unknowingly sown seeds of entitlement into the soil of their little hearts. Something that was a great sacrifice for us was disregarded in a child's expectation for more. We live in a world where entitlement runs rampant. It doesn’t always look like throwing a temper tantrum over a forgotten gift. Sometimes it can be the anger that comes when your coffee order takes too long, or it can be the person who is driving in front of you who's not driving your preferred speed limit. These small seeds of entitlement can take root in our heart and if we’re not careful they can lead to a life led by pride. Gratitude is what breaks entitlement in your life. I’m going to share 3 ways to think differently about gratitude this season. 1. Gratitude is a discipline. Gratitude is not merely a fleeting emotion but a discipline that aligns our hearts with God’s truth and His will. Gratitude requires intentionality, often going against the grain of our natural tendencies to complain or focus on what we lack. Scripture commands us to "give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thessalonians 5:18), not because life is always easy, but because gratitude acknowledges God’s sovereignty and goodness regardless of our situation. Cultivating gratitude as a discipline trains our souls to see life through the lens of God’s faithfulness, fostering a spirit of humility and trust. It shifts our focus from temporal struggles to eternal promises, rooting our joy in the unchanging nature of God rather than the shifting sands of circumstance. 2. Gratitude changes your attitude about situations Gratitude has the power to transform our perspective on even the most challenging situations. From a biblical standpoint, it shifts our focus from what we lack to what God has already provided, reminding us of His faithfulness and provision. When we choose gratitude, we realign our hearts to trust in God's sovereignty and His ability to work all things for our good (Romans 8:28). This perspective doesn't necessarily change the situation itself, but it changes us —replacing fear, frustration, or bitterness with peace, hope, and contentment. Gratitude reframes trials as opportunities for growth and deepens our awareness of God's presence, enabling us to face life's difficulties with a renewed attitude of faith and trust. 3. Gratitude Cures Entitlement Gratitude is the antidote to entitlement. It shifts our hearts from demanding what we believe we deserve to recognizing every blessing as an unmerited gift from God. Entitlement breeds discontentment, rooted in the false belief that we are owed something, while gratitude humbles us, reminding us that all we have comes from God's grace. As James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above," and acknowledging this truth uproots the pride that fuels entitlement. Instead of fixating on unmet expectations, gratitude cultivates a spirit of thanksgiving, teaching us to celebrate God’s goodness and approach life with humility and joy. In this posture, we find freedom from the restless pursuit of "more" and learn the richness of contentment in Christ. As we reflect on the story of that Christmas morning and the lessons it taught us, it’s clear that gratitude is more than a seasonal sentiment—it’s a heart posture that can reshape our lives. Entitlement may creep in subtly, disguised as disappointment or frustration, but gratitude stands as its cure, redirecting our hearts toward humility and joy. This season, let’s commit to cultivating gratitude—not just for the blessings we see, but for the ways God works in every circumstance. May we remember that every good gift comes from Him, and may our hearts overflow with thanksgiving, transforming how we live, love, and give. What are you grateful for? Share in the comments below!
Show More

NEWSLETTER

Get free digital content from Kris with his weekly newsletter
 
Share by: