7 Signs of an Unhealthy Soul Tie - Kris Vallotton

May 3, 2019

There is no such thing as casual sex! Contrary to popular belief, sex is a tridimensional experience: spirit, soul, and body! It is not ever “just” a casual physical act with no emotional or spiritual effects. In fact, anytime you have sex with a person you bond with them. The world may tell you otherwise, but the truth is, God created sex to be a bonding experience in its very design. As humans, we do not get the power to pick and choose when that design applies in our lives!

The world says that sex is good, fun, natural and healthy, and that is the truth! The problem with the world’s sexual gospel is actually that it doesn’t affirm sex enough—it underestimates and even denies the power of intercourse, reducing it to a single-dimensional physical experience. On top of that, it doesn’t understand the ramifications that sex has on the souls and spirits of the people involved.

Sex is like gluing two pieces of wood together, and if done outside of the context of marriage it’s like ripping them apart the next day. Of course, wood from the opposite board remains on each board. The truth is, whether you’re aware of it or not, a piece of your sex partner (the good, bad, and ugly) can stay with you (and vice versa) for the rest of your life. You can only imagine what it looks like when you bond with multiple partners

Dr. Daniel Amen writes in his book, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life” (now revised and expanded), “Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex ‘just for the fun of it,’ yet something is occurring on another level that they might not have decided on at all: sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not.

One person, often the woman, is bound to form an attachment and will be hurt when a casual affair ends. One reason it is usually the woman who is hurt most is that the female limbic system is larger than the male’s.”

The attachment that Dr. Amen describes is what we call soul ties. The Bible explains this in 1 Corinthians 6:15 when it says, “Do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.”

Unhealthy soul ties are often the ramifications of having partners that you create a life-long bond with through a sexual encounter(s), but with whom you only have a short-term relationship with. The bond (soul tie) remains long after the relationship is over, leaving both sexual partners longing for wholeness.

Three Reasons Unhealthy Soul Ties Take Place

1. People are misinformed and therefore convinced that sex is strictly a single-dimensional, physical act with no emotional or spiritual connections. Yet after sex, they find themselves mysteriously longing for the person they may not even like.

2. A person gives him or herself sexually to someone expecting that the intensely intimate act of intercourse would create a bond that would lead to deeper levels of commitment in their relationship. But sadly, they often discover that their sexual partner was taking advantage of their need for intimacy and used their vulnerability to get laid. Of course, this leads to a person being emotionally and spiritually bonded to somebody that they deeply resent!

3. Two people commit to marriage and therefore surmise that the covenant vows are only a formality. So they live together and enjoy a sexual relationship outside of a life-long commitment. But later they decide, for whatever reason, that they don’t want to live in a covenant relationship and eventually break up. They usually don’t realize how deeply they have wounded each other as their souls are ripped apart, tearing the very fabric of their being in the separation.

I understand that there are hundreds of other reasons why unhealthy soul ties take place, but I am simply trying to give you a few examples.

7 Signs That You Have an Unhealthy Soul Tie

1. You are in a physically, and/or emotionally, and/or spiritually abusive relationship, but you “feel” so attached to them that you refuse to cut off the connection and set boundaries with them.

2. You have left a relationship, maybe even long ago, but you think about the other person obsessively. In other words, you can’t get them out of your mind.

3. Whenever you do anything — make a decision, have a conversation with someone etc. —you “feel” like this person is with you or watching you.

4. When you have sex with someone else (hopefully your husband or wife), you can hardly keep yourself from visualizing the person you have a soul tie with.

5. You take on the negative traits of the person that your soul is tied to and carry their offenses whether or not you actually agree with them.

6. You defend your right to stay in a relationship with the person that your soul is tied to, even though it is negatively affecting or even destroying the important relationships in your life (husband, wife, kids, leaders, etc.)

7. You have simultaneous experiences and/or “moods” as the person your soul is tied to. This can even include sickness, accidents, addictions etc.

There is Hope!

There is hope if you find yourself in an unhealthy soul tie because you can never fall so far that you can’t be restored! New life is available to you by simply repenting and asking Jesus to forgive you.

If you need help walking through that process, I encourage you to pray through this prayer laid out by Nothing Hidden Ministries. Keep in mind that the power behind a prayer for freedom is in positioning your heart towards God in repentance. Your liberty lies in your faith in the Faithful One, not in the formula. I’m praying that as you invite God to heal you and set you free, that you would be met by His outrageous love, compassion, and power today!

Forgiveness restores the standard in our lives, and through Jesus, it is possible to live in freedom from any unhealthy attachment to your previous partners, in healing from any soul wounds, and in hope for a healthy and fulfilling marriage and sex-life again!

For more on this subject, check out my book Moral Revolution. Have you been freed from an unhealthy soul tie? Tell me about it in the comments below!

Topics: All TopicsMorality


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