Why Parents Need To Wake Up and Talk To Kids About Sex - Kris Vallotton

December 18, 2017

1969 marked the height of the Sexual Revolution, and at the time I was a freshman in high school in the Bay Area of San Francisco. I thankfully escaped the trap of promiscuity, however I am all too aware that the Sexual Revolution shifted the sexual morals of our culture. Most everyone today is presented with far more opportunities to be promiscuous than I was. Beyond that, the educational system is intent on numbing our conscience and even stripping away the natural convictions that we grow up with about sex.

For that reason, young people today need more in their arsenal when it comes to navigating this sexual culture. Who’s going to give them the tools they need? If you’re a parent reading this I hope and pray that you’ll take up the call to educate your kids on healthy sexuality. (And no, a one-time “talk” quite frankly doesn’t cut it.) If you don’t talk to your kids about sex, the world sure will.

Check out today’s Monday Motivation for a fresh wake up call:

In a nutshell:

  • What does it mean to have a sex drive? I’ve been asking this all around the world and nobody knows the answer.
  • A sex drive is the desire to have sex with someone. It’s that simple, folks!
  • When we talk about purity, the goal is not to get rid of your sex drive. Rather, the goal is to learn how to manage your appetite.
  • God is not ashamed of your sex drive! He gave it to you!
  • The world is in a mess and a lot of it has to do with sexuality. In the church we talk about divorce but we hardly talk about marriage. The number one reason people get divorced is sexual incompatibility, but we’re not talking about this in church.
  • Who’s teaching society about sex? The people who pervert it.
  • The school system had to start teaching our kids about sex because we are too ashamed to talk about it ourselves. They got the job because we’re not doing it at home!
  • God said be fruitful and multiply. This was the first commandment given to man. God gave us and celebrates our sex drive! It was His idea to make it fun!
  • The world perverts sex and religion shames sex. It’s time the church begins to celebrate it!
  • The principle of first mention: whoever teaches you about a subject first, what they teach you will become the foundation in which you will view that subject for the rest of your life.
  • I believe God created us this way because He intended for children to be taught by their mother and father.
  • When you teach your kids about sex first, and then their friend talks to them about sex later, they will measure what their friend says by what you’ve already taught them.
  • However, if their friends or school teach them first about sex first, and you only talk to them about it later, they will measure what you say by what they’ve already been taught. Can there still be breakthrough? Yes. But wouldn’t it be easier if you laid the foundation first?!

Sex In My House

My kids were raised in an environment where the subject of sex was very much in the open. Kathy and I talked candidly about sex with them and tried to demystify it as much as possible in an appropriate way. As our children came into puberty, Kathy and I took them out on dates and talked to them about the high value of their purity. We explained to them that they needed a plan to get their virginity from the battlefield to the honeymoon suite. We told them that they would need the help of Jesus to win this fight, and we offered to lead them into a covenant with Him.

When they felt they were ready, we directed them in a simple prayer of commitment to the Lord, asking Him to keep them pure for the spouse of their dreams. They asked God to help them in times of weakness and to keep them from temptation. At the end of the prayer of dedication, Kathy and I gave them each a beautiful ring that they wore on their wedding ring fingers until they were married. This was a reminder of the covenant they made with their God to keep themselves pure. Then, in their wedding ceremonies, they gave their virginity rings to their lovers as a first sign of their covenant with them.

I share this because the lives of my children are testimonies to the power of covenant. God was faithful to them, and He will be faithful to you, too. My kids experienced all the normal struggles everyone goes through in learning to deal with a sex drive, but the wisdom and strength they gained through their relationships with God helped them manage their desires toward their virtues.

Activation For The Week

At the end of the day I’m glad we didn’t allow religion or shame to dictate the sexual culture in our home. How do you plan to do the same? I know it can be scary—but if we don’t do it, the world will. This week I want to charge you to take one step towards creating a healthy sexual culture in your home; whether that be to have a conversation with your children, or getting your hands on some good resources to equip yourself. I believe that God can and will give you the grace and courage to do so! I’d love to hear how you’ll navigate this in the comments!

I’d hate to leave you just hanging with a charge and no tools, so if you’re serious about talking to your kids about sex (which I hope you are), I highly recommend you check out Moral Revolution. It’s a book I wrote with my son, Jason. It shares God’s heart for sex, along with practical tools for navigating the path of purity. We also added in tips for dating and how to find, and become, a dream spouse. It’s 20% off right now as a part of my Christmas sale. Just use the code “Kris20” at checkout!

Topics: All TopicsCurrent EventsMarriageMorality